In light of a recent situation I’ve experienced, I chose to write my very first blog indirectly related to my own life.\u00a0\u00a0 I’ve found this article online, and, after reading it, found that the person who targeted me (whom I’ll hereafter refer to as\u00a0“Irene”) fell under each and every category listed.\u00a0 And then some.\u00a0 I’m not 100% sure why girls find it necessary to bully.\u00a0 Didn’t their mothers teach them when they were little that “If you don’t have anything nice to say, better to say nothing at all.”?<\/p>\n
The part that caught my eye most was the paragraph about the social networking sites.\u00a0 I’m guilty too, as I have profiles on several of them.\u00a0 But I use them for keeping in touch, not for posting notes or sending malicious emails about anybody.\u00a0 Whatever happened to fighting things out if you’ve got a problem?\u00a0 Social networking tools make it so easy for people, and more in particular women, to say nasty things about others without the confrontation part of things.<\/p>\n
Remember when you were young, and there were no computers, or cell phones?\u00a0 Then you’d have to be outside in the sun all summer long, playing with your friends.\u00a0 In that case, if a conflict arose, you would hash it out and more than likely become best friends again the next day.\u00a0 Seems silly that things have gone the way they have because of advancement in technology.<\/p>\n
I want to go back to those days.\u00a0 I like to call it “caveman days”, which isn’t far from the truth compared to now.\u00a0 I want to have to call someone on the phone, or meet them in person if there is a conflict.\u00a0 Now, it’s become so easy to avoid those situations.\u00a0 To hide behind a keyboard, and say things you wouldn’t ever dare say to someone if you were in front of them.<\/p>\n
All of these kids, committing suicide, or attempting it… Why have we let this become the norm?\u00a0 This is not ok!\u00a0 The following link is to a youtube video I found when searching for “bullying”.\u00a0 It breaks my heart to see this happening, and the kids who are experiencing this are getting younger and younger all the time.\u00a0 Take a look at it, and hopefully you feel a little compassion for this beautiful, smart young woman who obviously felt like there was no other choice.<\/p>\n
Teen Cyber-Bullied to Death<\/a><\/p>\n In conclusion to my part of the blog, before you read this article… if you are a woman, I hope you will stop and think before you click “send” on a nasty email or instant message.\u00a0 I hope you will realize that it doesn’t have to come to that.\u00a0 How would you feel if you woke up the next morning and saw that girls face on the news saying she had killed herself?\u00a0 I know that I don’t ever want to feel that sort of responsibility for someone’s life being taken.<\/p>\n And as for Irene, well I guess she’s just lucky that I am a strong willed person.\u00a0\u00a0 That I can look at the things she said, and laugh, and just know that it is her own insecurities that have forced her to do and say these things to me, and about me.\u00a0 Half of them might be true, half of them might not.\u00a0 Who is anyone else to judge?\u00a0\u00a0 Don’t give your two cents about something someone chooses, or chooses not to do, unless you are asked for it.<\/p>\n Enjoy this article, and hopefully you can take something good from it to implement in your own life.\u00a0 Maybe you have a daughter, or neice, or sister who this could help as well.\u00a0 Take a stand, and don’t let someone make you think that you don’t have a right to live!\u00a0 Because you wouldn’t have been born if that were the case.<\/p>\n Lisa.<\/p>\n ARTICLE FROM http:\/\/lifestyle.ca.msn.com\/real-life\/friends\/rogers-article.aspx?cp-documentid=25370995<\/a><\/p>\n The scene was like something from The Hills<\/em> . Dana Lacey, a 26-year-old writer, was at a Toronto bar with a group of friends, including her roommate\u2014who happens to be a guy\u2014and his new girlfriend. At one point, Lacey noticed the girlfriend and her friend were staring at her, giggling and playing with their phones. Later, Lacey found out the two women had been texting each other and making fun of how she was dressed. This wasn\u2019t the first time the girlfriend had been snarky with Lacey. \u201cWhen they first started going out, I had invited her to dinner to make her feel welcome,\u201d Lacey says. \u201cBut my best attempts couldn\u2019t charm her. She\u2019d be really sweet when my roommate was around, but when he left the room, she\u2019d say things like, \u2018Why are you even here?\u2019 It was like an extension of the way girls acted in grade school.\u201d<\/p>\n Eventually, the girlfriend\u2019s behaviour\u2014which was triggered, Lacey thinks, by jealousy\u2014got so bad that it ruined Lacey\u2019s friendship with her roommate. He chose the girlfriend over her and Lacey decided she was too old to deal with that kind of toxic environment.<\/p>\n Unfortunately, while most women believe they would never be the cause of loading such emotional stress on a friend or acquaintance, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, many of us never really outgrow being a bully, says Cheryl Dellasega<\/a>, a women\u2019s studies professor at Pennsylvania State University and author of the book Mean Girls Grown Up<\/em> . \u201cThe [aggressive] behaviour just gets a little more polished and subtle [as we get older].\u201d You know the transformation: The cool girl in chemistry class who didn\u2019t invite you to her post-graduation party becomes the office diva who \u201cforgets\u201d to forward you an important email at work. The fair-weather friend who flirted with your first crush turns into the frenemy who won\u2019t keep her manicured mitts off your fianc\u00e9. The popular clique who snickered while you walked past them in the cafeteria morphs into the tight-knit gang at the gym who never ask you to join them for a post-pilates latte.<\/p>\n \u201cBullying isn\u2019t uniquely female,\u201d says Irene Levine<\/a>, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving A Breakup With Your Best Friend<\/em> and professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine. \u201cBut there are always women who need to build themselves up by knocking others down. They may exclude, gossip, or do other things to demean one individual\u2014particularly someone who seems vulnerable. Making someone feel alone, rejected and treating her as an outcast can be as vicious as a physical assault.\u201d<\/p>\n What makes these encounters with a female bully so confusing and wounding is the very nature of women\u2019s relationships. While men tend to bond by activities\u2014 grabbing a beer after a game of hockey, for example\u2014 women look for emotional intimacy from their female friends. We talk, we share, we open our hearts. And so the quickest way to hurt each other is by what experts call \u201crelational aggression.\u201d The female bully doesn\u2019t use her fists; instead, she denies other women a social connection by mocking or shunning them. \u201cFor women and girls, relationships are a source of solace and power,\u201d says Rachel Simmons<\/a>, an expert on female aggression and the author of The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence.<\/em> \u201cFemale friendships are one of the greatest comforts and the greatest weapons. The heart of female psychological violence is to destroy other people\u2019s relationships.\u201d Credit this to both genetics and socialization. Aggression, competition, jealousy and anger are all part of the normal range of human experience. But often, these \u201cnegative\u201d emotions are considered unladylike. So instead of learning to be direct about these feelings, women resort to tactics like gossip, eye-rolling or the silent treatment. For women in their 20s, a time when careers and serious romantic relationships are getting established, female aggression is particularly intense. \u201cThis is a period of transition,\u201d says Dellasega. \u201cWomen are applying for jobs and internships, and they\u2019re dating and thinking about the future. They can feel very threatened if they think another woman is standing in their way.\u201d<\/p>\n Meanwhile, technology such as smartphones, Twitter and Facebook has added a whole new supply of smart bombs to the female bully\u2019s arsenal. Social media plugs right into women\u2019s anxiety about direct conflict, says Simmons. \u201cA tweet or a text allows us to communicate without having to look each other in the eyes. And with so much emotion bottled up, you can let it rip and say things you wouldn\u2019t dare if you were dealing with a person face-to-face.\u201d<\/p>\n No wonder women are such social media fans, outtweeting and out-friending men by 10 percent, shows a recent online study. According to Katie*, the moderator of a popular online forum for Canadian women, the discussions on her site are just as often fuelled by bitchy putdowns as they are by sisterly sharing. \u201cWomen come to the site for advice and support,\u201d Katie says, \u201cbut cliques develop really quickly. Online, people don\u2019t think they have anything to lose. They can hide behind their avatars.\u201d<\/p>\n One ringleader stands out because \u201cshe posts the most and she\u2019s always the first to get nasty and take the conversation in the direction it shouldn\u2019t go. People kiss up to her because they\u2019re scared of being a target.\u201d Katie has had to remove posts that accused a woman of being \u201cjealous and having a personality disorder.\u201d Another perpetual victim is mocked mercilessly when she asks questions of the forum community\u2014the clique sends her intentionally bad advice, calls her names or ignores her posts altogether. Katie heard from one regular poster that the clique established a by-invitation-only shadow site where they brag about how they\u2019ve trashed people.<\/p>\n \u201cPeople are searching for empathy or solutions,\u201d Katie says about the forum. \u201cFor instance, someone will ask what to do about her cheating boyfriend. And what\u2019s interesting is that the knee-jerk reaction is to put her down, saying it\u2019s her fault. It\u2019s really cruel.\u201d<\/p>\n Dellasega says that there is a thrill in this kind of social meanness. In its twisted way, gossip can make women feel connected to each other. \u201cIf I meet you at a party and say \u2018Our mutual friend Ann is such a nice person,\u2019 you\u2019ll drift away. If I say \u2018Ann has an eating disorder and she\u2019s a liar,\u2019 you\u2019ll be riveted. People are drawn to knowing something negative about someone else. And if I share something negative about someone else with you, it means I trust you. It bonds us.\u201d<\/p>\n Consider, too, the sharkfest that is celebrity gossip culture, from tabloid magazines to TV<\/a> shows and harsh blogs. The target audience for this\u2014and the targets of its mean-spiritedness\u2014 is predominantly women. Sure, male stars get their share of ridicule, but mainly it\u2019s the Kardashians and their love lives, Heidi Montag and her plastic surgeries, or the ongoing Chernobyl-like meltdown of Lindsay Lohan. That this is happening at precisely the same time that women have more opportunities, power and freedom than ever before is no coincidence, says Simmons. \u201cYoung women are a lot more open now about expressing their appetites for sex, food and fun,\u201d Simmons says. \u201cThe reason there is so much anxiety and ambivalence toward them is because they violate conventional rules of feminity.\u201d There\u2019s not that much difference between trashing Miley Cyrus for a risqu\u00e9 stage performance, she says, and shaming a girl in your dorm, office or circle of friends for being promiscuous.<\/p>\n That same cycle of titilation and shame happens on reality TV\u2014female bullying\u2019s ultimate fighting match. On shows such as America\u2019s Next Top Model<\/a> and The Bachelor, women compete for retrograde rewards like an engagement ring, or being considered the prettiest. Along the way they sabotage, spread rumours and belittle each other. Worse, their bitchiness is usually presented as a kind of female empowerment. In fact, it\u2019s just the opposite. Outside of the biosphere of her show, Simmons says, the reality TV bitch likely wouldn\u2019t survive. \u201cHer behaviour is so outrageous, we\u2019re more likely to mock her than take her seriously.\u201d<\/p>\n So, after all these years of feminist triumphs, is sisterhood dead? Have we achieved success at school, at work, in academics, politics and sports, only to become our own worst enemies? Not so, says Dellasega. Women have had to be tough to get ahead, she says, and in some cases, particularly in the traditional male workplace, they\u2019ve mistaken aggressiveness for assertiveness. \u201cAnd I think among women there is some residual anger for what we haven\u2019t had, the choices and opportunities that were denied to us because of sexism.\u201d Still, there are plenty models of successful women who help other women\u2014Dellasega points to Oprah as a prime example.<\/p>\n And Levine says that forming positive relationships with other women is necessary for our well-being and success. \u201cFriends help shape our values, interests and personalities\u2014and help us make choices and find direction in our lives. Girlfriends provide mirrors that help us understand ourselves because they allow us to compare ourselves to others at the same stage in life. As a result, they make us better students, wives, mothers and workers by providing us with mentors who help us work out the various problems we face over our life span.\u201d<\/p>\n Are you a bully?<\/strong><\/p>\n No one likes to think of herself as the mean girl, but if you\u2019ve exhibited any of these behaviours it could be time for an attitude adjustment.<\/p>\n At social events:<\/strong> \u2022You\u2019re meeting your friend\u2019s crush for the first time and put her down in front of him by saying, \u201cOh isn\u2019t it cute how she snorts when she laughs!\u201d At work:<\/strong> \u2022You invite colleagues out for coffee to gossip about other coworkers behind their back. Information provided by: http:\/\/lifestyle.ca.msn.com\/real-life\/friends\/rogers-article.aspx?cp-documentid=25370995<\/a><\/p>\n Among friends:<\/strong> \u2022You take photos of your friend tossing her cookies after an epic pub crawl and post them on Facebook, where everyone can see them. In light of a recent situation I’ve experienced, I chose to write my very first blog indirectly related to my own life.\u00a0\u00a0 I’ve found this article online, and, after reading it, found that the person who targeted me (whom I’ll … Continue reading
\n\u2022You see a woman at a party with a skirt you used to have and say, \u201cI had the same skirt but gave it to Goodwill\u2014I couldn\u2019t stand the colour.\u201d
\n\u2022Whatever the get-together\u2014baby shower, girls\u2019 night out or birthday\u2014you tend to dominate the conversation.<\/p>\n
\n\u2022You don\u2019t tell the smart girl in the next cubicle about a hot position that\u2019s opened up because you don\u2019t want the competition\u2014and you don\u2019t want her to succeed.
\n\u2022You let an intern take the blame from someone else for a deadline that you missed.<\/p>\n
\n\u2022You forward an email from a pal complaining about a mutual friend to your entire social circle because you\u2019re jealous of their relationship.
\n\u2022You purposely \u201cforget\u201d to invite one of the key friends in your circle when you make plans to hang out<\/p>\n