I keep reading all these articles about how the solution to global warming is to stop eating beef. The reasoning being the methane production from cows increases the greenhouse effect.
This is from so called “scientists” apparently that have complied “real” theoretical data.
I gave this some thought and I hereby put forth a my own theory based in pure logic.
The solution isn’t to STOP eating beef, the solution is EAT ALL THE BEEF. That’s right, eat all the beef in existence and don’t breed more cows or leave any alive . Complete extinction of the bovine species is the only solution to eliminate their harmful emissions. So get your BBQ’s ready and mow down like there’s no tomorrow! If you leave any alive they will continue to breed in the wild. Do your part and cull the herds of the world! This is a call to arms against the domestic cow threat! I am calling this the “Eat all the beef moo-vement”.
Now some of you are probably thinking. Well, what about milk? Have no fear, Ben Stiller assures me that anything with nipples can be milked… except of course for Robert DeNiro.
The “Eat All the Beef Moo-vement” will invariably be followed by a resurgence of the “Where’s the beef?” campaign that was introduced in 1984.
This will continue into the 22nd century except it will be used as a social statement instead of an advertising catchphrase.
Once the greenhouse effect dissipates we will then see an increase of parka sales in Canada as things begin to cool down. This will be joined by an increase in fuel energy costs as demand for heating increases. This will be know as the “Wynn/wins” effect.
The lack of leather to create parkas will propel synthetic clothing material production to an all time high. The production of synthetics will then increase the harmful carbon emissions and again the greenhouse effect will begin. Around the turn of the 23rd century once again liberal campaigns run by sympathetic actors and a documentary narrated by a now 220 year old Leonardo Di Caprio will begin to circulate and the cycle will begin anew.
Please remember to do your part and “Eat All the Beef!”
This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the Society for the Protection of Humankind and small furry little creatures from Alpha Centauri.